Helping New Families Settle In. 

Helping new families settle in by Joanna Wilkinson EYP

Starting nursery is the beginning of a new and exciting stage in your child's life. But we understand that parents can feel anxious about the changes ahead.

When you've been by your baby's side every waking moment from the second they were born – holding them, guiding them, comforting them, playing with them – it's hardly surprising that watching them disappear into a room of virtual strangers is enough to fill even the most confident parent with questions and doubts.

What if he cries inconsolably when you leave him? How is she going to cope without you? What if the other children are mean? What if the staff forget to give him his dummy at nap time? What if she cries and nobody cuddles her?

While these anxieties are completely natural, it's also worth remembering that babies are far more resilient than they appear. In fact, there's a good chance your little one is coping better with the transition than you are.

Then, of course, there's the question of them coping a little too well.

What if he doesn't bat an eyelid when you leave him? What if she prefers her key person to you? What if he's happy all day at nursery but tired and cranky when he gets home?

Tina the manager of New beginnings Loughton has given us an insight into what happens at nursery when mummy,daddy or their carers aren't there and offer her top tips.

What if my baby is inconsolable when I leave?

"Children usually cry because you are leaving and not because they are unhappy about being at nursery," explains Tina. "In the majority of cases, once the 'goodbye' part is over, a child will quickly settle into an activity or cuddle with a member of staff."

To ensure the goodbye is as painless as possible (for baby and you), Tina recommends the following tips:

1. Use your settling in sessions to ask as many questions as possible. No question is irrelevant!

2. When you start at New Beginnings "If your baby is having trouble settling in, talk to us and we can create strategies to support you to ease any challenges you may be experiencing”

3. "Make the actual 'goodbye' quick, firm and reassuring with no long drawn out returns for "just one more kiss or cuddle from mum/dad/carer". Once you have said goodbye – you really need to leave."

4. "Always say goodbye and reiterate that you will see them later. Be specific in a way that your child will understand – for example, after lunch, after tea, after story time – then leave."

5. "Never just sneak out because you think your child is playing happily and is distracted and you don't want to upset them. It’s important children learn to say goodbye and experience welcomes too”

6. "Children need the reassurance of a familiar, consistent, goodbye routine – whether that be a kiss, waving through the window or taking them to play in the block area. This signal will help them to cope with the transition from being in mum's care to being in nursery care."

The routine of saying goodbye and reassuring them that mum or dad will return is essential when supporting a child to settle into an unfamiliar environment.

Do younger babies find it harder?

"Interestingly, it is often the younger babies that cry the least," says Tina. "Up until about seven months, it is usually a case of 'out of sight, out of mind'. After that children go through the process of understanding that you still exist even when they can't see you. And this is when they learn to 'miss you'."

What if my baby cries during the day... and I'm not there?

"Emotional moments will inevitably crop up, especially in the situations that a child associates with their mummy, such as waking from a nap or at mealtimes or also if another child gets too far inside their physical comfort zone and they feel threatened. But remember the nursery staff will always be there to step in and comfort your child," says Tina.

"A good nursery will contact you if your child cries for an extended period of time and cannot be comforted. However, in my professional experience this has rarely happened during my time my time with New Beginnings," she adds.

"Most people who work with children do it because they love children and are genuinely concerned if a child is unhappy. If they tell you your baby has been fine all day, the chances are they have."

What if my baby doesn't cry?

While it might not compare to the pain of seeing your child distressed, it can be pretty disconcerting when all the other babies are clinging onto their mums/dads/carers for dear life while yours crawls off merrily without so much as a look back. But does this really mean your baby doesn't care about you?

Tina explains that conversely this is a positive sign: "This just shows what a great job a parent has done of building their child's emotional confidence and security, enabling them to attach emotionally to other adults outside their immediate family."

Why are they happy during the day at nursery and tired and cranky at home time

Don't be surprised if the nursery tells you that your baby has had a great day only for you to be faced with an evening of tears and tantrums the moment you get them home.

"Remember that your child will probably feel tired at the end of the day," explains Tina. "Playing and exploring a new environment is hard work. They might like some quiet time when they get home to balance out the day’s experiences."

Will my child stick to their routine at nursery?

Routines give children a sense of security and stability which in turn help them to feed safe and secure within their environments.When starting New Beginnings your child will be entering a new environment therefore it may take them sometime to settle into a routine this is very normal.In order to support children with settling and establishing their routines we will always work in partnership with our families. We like to encourage our families to bring their children in at the start of the day so that this becomes part of their child’s routine and join us for breakfast.From previous experience we have observed if children arrive at nursery later on in the morning this can disrupt their day and then in turn find it harder to settle.Breakfast is a very important time of the day it starts us off in the morning and sets us up for the day ahead. By children getting into the routine and coming in the morning to join their friends this can in turn support them within the settling in process.